Great Grandparenting Tips
by George Durant

It is good to be a father. It is good to be a mother. But the Lord saves the best until last, for the crown of life’s joys comes when we become Grandma and Grandpa. And being a grandparent puts you in a position to do much to positively influence the lives of your grandchildren.

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Here are some tips for helping you to make the most of your precious relationship with them.

Know and honor the difference between the role of parents and grandparents.

The role of grandparents is one of love and affirmation, not primary care and discipline. Let your children raise their children. You had your turn, and now it’s theirs.

Every child needs to spend some time each day or so with someone who is crazy about him or her. That is the role of grandparents. Every child wears a sign that says, “I want to be important now.” It is when no one reads that sign that the child begins to lose part of his or her wonderful inward self. Grandpa and Grandma’s privilege is to read and respond to that sign every time they see the child. Make the child feel like he or she is the most important person in the world.

Be with the grandchildren an appropriate amount of time.

When our daughter lived many states away she wrote to us and said, “Our children are so cute but nobody here knows that because they are not their grandparents.”

Go to see your children and grandchildren as often as you can. When you do visit, always leave before they want you to so they will always want you to return.

Give the grandkids your time. Put aside some of your golf, some of your car repairs and the things that you do in your shop. Turn the TV off and experience the miracle of the way that you feel when you go for a walk with your grandchild.

Don’t get the idea that I don’t know that we should live our own lives and let the kids and the grandkids live theirs. We shouldn’t give up all our interests for someone else’s. We deserve to have time to ourselves. I know all of that. But you and I both know that anything else, I mean everything else, is not even in the same ballpark with the importance of being with family.

Do quiet things with them.

If you live close by, go to a grandchild’s house or have him come to yours. Then for a moment or two—or longer—sit with the child; go for a walk with him; pet the dog with her; pull him in a wagon; push her in a swing; draw pictures and color with him; look up at an airplane or a bird or a cloud with her; or read a story to him.

In any one of a million ways, show and tell each grandchild that you love him or her with a perfect love. In these brief moments you don’t need to run with him, swing her around, hike steep hills, or play vigorous games. That is for young parents who still have energy to burn. A grandparent’s most valuable time and effort should be the quiet times where love is more important than excitement.

Tell them stories of the olden days.

For a Christmas present one year I used a tape recorder and recorded every olden-day story that I could remember. I gave each grandchild a tape of those stories, and they often listen to them when they go to bed.

Leave for your children stories about your life, your dreams, your faith, and your love. You don’t have to brag. Some of us don’t have much to brag about. But if they know that you spilled your soup once at school lunch and they made you clean it up while all the other students watched and that you didn’t get many Valentines and that you didn’t really have a Studebaker and that the mean sergeant couldn’t say bad things about you because you prayed, then you have given your grandchildren your greatest gift—not anything you had, but everything you are.

Pray for them.

I love to go walking each day. I go to a beautiful park. There is a small stream there and many tall trees. Under the trees I say a brief prayer in which I talk to the Lord about certain members of my family who seem to have urgent needs. At least once each week in that beautiful place I say a special family prayer. At that time I mention each of my children and grandchildren and ask a special and individual blessing that I feel that each one needs at that time. As I mention each one by name, I feel a real closeness to him or her.

Schedule and carry out family activities.

The desire to strengthen family ties seems to intensify as we become more mature in years. Perhaps that is why Marilyn and I recently wrote this letter to our children and grandchildren:

Dear Family,

Please consider the following dream that we as grandparents have tried to put on paper. Study it with your children; revise it so that you feel you can support it. Send us your thoughts on how it can be improved. We feel that if we all share the same dream, it will surely come true. When we all have agreed, we will call it “Our Family Dream.”

This, then, is that dream:

We will love all other family members, and we will do the things that people who love each other do. Namely:

· We will visit each other as often as possible.

· We will try to attend the yearly family activities.
· We will pray for each other.
· We will rejoice in the success of other family members.
· We will be emotionally and spiritually supportive of one another.
· We will each have personal integrity and bring honor to the family.
· We, when we speak of other family members, will do so as if they were present.

To help our dream come true, we will do things together. Whenever possible, all family members will attend the following five annual family activities:

1. Overnight Family Campout
2. Overnight Olympic Games, Genealogical Report, and Talent Show
3. Backyard of Fire: This will be held at the old family home. It will include dinner and fireworks and Warren’s famous marching music. This date will be on the evening of the Fourth of July.
4. Christmas Party: This will be held at various places to be determined each year. The date will also be chosen each year.
5. Saturday Family Temple Session

Note: If any of the children live out of state, they will come home when they can to be at these events, and Grandma and Grandpa will visit them twice a year.

The best thing you can leave your grandchildren . . .

It would be nice to leave your children an inheritance of a million dollars so that they could all go to college and on missions and maybe even have a Studebaker, but far better than that, leave your grandchildren stories about your life and your dreams and your faith and your love.

Being a grandparent is the best season of life, so let’s all us grandparents step up and bless the lives of our dream grandchildren. Oh, how I wish every child could have a grandpa and grandma who would do the things that I have just described! I wish I could do as well as I have made it sound. But sometimes I’m too tired or I have too much else to do, and I don’t do as well as a grandpa ought to do. But from now on I’ll try to do better. How about you?

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George Durrant was born and raised in American Fork, Utah. He has served in many capacities with the LDS Church Educational System and taught religion classes at Brigham Young University. He served for three years as president of the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah. He is the author of more than a dozen books, including Great Dads & Grandfathers, from which this article is excerpted.

LDS Living

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We think of you and your family often Posted by Barbara from Duchesne, Utah I always enjoy reading your books and am excited to find out you have writen another one. We are truly enjoying being grandparents. we have 34 now and also 4 great grandchildren. WE are trying to do the things you mentioned with our grandchildren. It would be nice to get together with you and Marilyn. Stop in to see us here in Duchesne if you come to Vernal to see some of your family. Okey? Do you still have a son living there? We'd love to see you again. Love, Keith and Barbara Rowley
You all just made my day! Posted by Cheri from Columbus, OH I'm not sure how I landed on a story about grandparenting, but what a pleasant surprise to see a story by the gentleman and teacher who made the Book of Mormon come alive in the classroom. And then to see a post at the end by The Rowleys of Duchesne...my family away from home when I attended BYU. I will always be greatful to Shane for sharing you with those of us missing our families across the country. Sounds like your family has grown since I graduated almost 28 years ago! Best wishes to you all.