Not Quite Royalty
by Debra Sansing Woods

Has a child ever given you a gift that changed your view of yourself and your role in the world? This happened to me several years ago when my then ten-year-old daughter gave me an unexpected present. It was a sparkling white tile on which was printed these words: "My Mom is a Queen, Not a Maid. I love her."

I was so surprised by her present that I hardly knew what to say. “Wow! Thanks. I love it,” I told her as we shared a hug.

My daughter’s gift was certainly timely. She must have realized that I was well beyond my wit’s end with her and her siblings who had been frustratingly lax in doing their household chores in recent weeks. I was tired of repeatedly reminding my kids to clear the table and wash their dishes after dinner or to please put their dirty clothes in the hamper (not on the bathroom floor or bunched up beneath their beds).

My efforts had begun to feel like an exercise in futility and I’m sure that I sounded more like a broken record than a mom when I chased my kids through the house calling out, “I am not your maid!”

Given this recent history, I was surprised and delighted to receive a gift that suggested that my daughter had actually listened to me and apparently agreed that I was not the family maid after all. And I hadn’t felt like anything approaching royalty in a very long time. Instead I had felt far more like a martyred peasant, unsuccessfully begging her children for help to clean the reigning queen’s castle.

I wondered what would happen if I changed my approach to seeking help around the house. Maybe if I acted more queen-like in my expectations they would be more compliant in giving help. I wasn’t looking to make my children the household servants, but rather hoping to train them to become servants to themselves—doing their part to keep our kingdom in good order.

So where to begin? A queen would start by issuing an official decree, so I created my own. I brainstormed a list of household chores, divided them up, made a plan to rotate them through the kids, and typed up a very official looking document. This more organized approach has decreased frustration levels for everyone, especially me.

While issuing a decree has been useful in managing our family kingdom, it alone is not enough to get things done. I’ve had to take a look at how I express my expectations for getting my kids to help around the house. I realize now that exclaiming, “I am not your maid!” has probably done little to persuade my kids to help.

A queen shares her expectations with dignity, expecting to be fully respected by those she leads. I’m working on appearing more queen-like in practice. As a result, my kids are taking me more seriously now when it comes to doing their part to keep our castle clean.

I tell my kids that living in a tidy house can make us all feel a bit more like royalty. Also, since I’m the queen of our household, they get to be the prince and princesses. I remind them that as royalty we will conduct ourselves with dignity and self-respect whether at a royal feast or scouring the bathrooms. I will always appreciate my daughter’s gift as a reminder that we moms don’t have to be the maids. With a positive attitude, we can live as queens in our own little kingdoms.

LDS Living Magazine