Signs of a Struggle
by Jennifer C. Jones

They could be your son, your little brother, or the boy next door. They have endearing smiles and typical teen banter. But these boys are very different.

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When other little boys were playing soccer, building pine wood derby cars, or preparing for baptism, these boys were looking at pornography. Sometimes it took their parents years to find out and seek treatment.

Each of these boys tried to stop their addiction on their own, but was unsuccessful. All of them have acted out in a sexual fashion against another person.

Today these boys, all under age eighteen, are residents of Oxbow Academy, a residential treatment center designed specifically to help them break their addiction to pornography.

Here is what they say parents should know:

If your child starts spending more time on the computer than with his friends, there’s a problem.

If the child appears suspicious or gets defensive about computer use, there could be a problem, especially if he becomes angry and accuses parents of not trusting him. “It’s a dead giveaway when they try to turn it around on you and make it your fault,” says one student.

“Don’t ask your child if they’re addicted,” advises another boy. “Ask them if they’ve tried to stop. If they can’t stop, they’re addicted.”

Don’t wait. Get your child professional help as soon as you discover the problem.

Understand computer basics. All three boys admitted they would erase their computer history. But sometimes parents can catch porn sites by checking the “cookies” list.

Don’t rely on a computer filtering system. Many teens are so computer savvy they can easily crack them.

Make sure your child knows you will love him-no matter what. “I wish I had felt I could tell my parents,” one boy admits. “I thought what I was doing was so bad they wouldn’t love me any more.”

LDS Living Sept/Oct 2008

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Addiction Posted by Dennis from Meridian, Idaho While many children (of all ages) can escape this terrible addiction, far too often they cannot find their way back. The emphasis on unconditional love is a tender mercy that is so needed during a time of transgression. Our Savior has set the example. Thank you for this article.
addicted to pornography Posted by angela from colorado I have a son that has been addicted to this since he was 12 and I had no idea. It is so important to check and see what your kids are listening to and watching. I remember when he was 14 and I had a feeling that he was depressed or something was happening with him. The spirit told me to dig deeper. Thats when I found out. He is now 21 and has a clean slate and hopefully will serve a mission. There is not a day that goes by that he has to work at this awful thing. There is not a day that goes by that I pray for him to be strong and to have the spirit with him. I encourage all parents to regularly check the computer. Also with text messaging, I know my kids think its a privacy thing but I check that too and figure if they want to bring such an ugly spirit into my home and that they need to obey the rules, I can check what they are doing.
It's a true addiction... Posted by Gordon from Wenatchee WA And it's not just about pornography. We can miss important pieces of the problem if we make that assumption and only target that particular expression of troubled sexuality as the major issue. There's a good chance your child has fallen into this behavior for similar reasons as another would begin using drugs or alcohol. He's hurting inside, for SOME reason, and somehow stumbled across the fact that stimulation from sexual activity helps soothe that pain...if only temporarily. And then the addictive processes take over, and sometimes, as mentioned in the article, the behaviors may become more active and even involve aggressive and exploitive actions towards others. Love your child unconditionally, don't lecture morality to him. Become his partner in combating the addiction and vigorously seek to correct the underlying emotional problem which is creating the pain he has been trying to ease. The combination of unconditional love, faith, professional help and hard work is a good formula for helping your child regain control of his life.
I agree Posted by Redmund from Sydney I am 17 years old and i too am addicted to pornograpghy. When i was younger I was reightous in the church.I started at 14 years old, for that is when I was bullied extensively. I turned towards pornography as a form of comfort. At the time it was my best friend and it would never let me down.But now I feel enslaved to it and i Cant stop.
Redmund Please, Get Help . . . Posted by Susan from Alaska You deserve to be free of this. You are loved and can find happiness and peace. It isn't only others who can find this freedom but you, Redmund, can, too! It is worth the effort and sacrifice to find your way to being able to cope with this addiction and the power of the Atonement will help and strengthen you along the way . . . whatever it takes, I promise it will be worth it in the end -- and so does He. Please trust Him and believe that you are worth it.