The Embarrassment of Riches
by Dave Ramsey
Dear Dave,
Is it common for older people who have saved their entire lives, have no debt, good pensions, and Social Security income, to become obsessed about not spending their money? My husband and I almost feel guilty about spending any of the money we’ve worked so hard to save.
Connie
Dear Connie,
What you’re talking about is very common, especially among folks who have developed a pattern of living frugally for 40 or 50 years. I call it the embarrassment of riches. I’ve heard some people in your situation say that they’re even too embarrassed to order dessert in a restaurant. They feel like it’s a betrayal of who they are as a person.
You guys have worked hard, saved big, and now it’s time to begin enjoying some of that money. You don’t have to do things that are frivolous or wasteful, but there’s nothing wrong with having a little fun with your money when you can afford to do so.
Here’s an idea that might help you loosen up a bit. Every time you spend money on a luxury, or something fun for yourselves, give a percentage of the amount you spent to help someone else. You don’t have to match it dollar-for-dollar, because you don’t want to blow through your nest egg and have nothing left. But give it a try, Connie. It will bring balance to your life. You’ll be able to have some fun with your money, plus you’ll get the satisfaction of knowing that you’ve helped another human being!
– Dave
Posted by Evelyn
from Victoria, B.C. Canada
You are wise beyond your years. You espouse much of the yesteryear philosophy which helped my parents through the 30's and my own family in
the lean years. Keep up the great advice and thank you.
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Posted by Larry
from Rural Wyoming
My parent's dream was a cruise through the Panama Cannel, but it was expensive! They delayed a few years, then Dad died suddenly. Mom said several times she'd go, but the expense was a deterent.
Now, the money (and more) is still there, but Dad's gone and Mom's too frail to travel.
What a waste! None of her children are wealthy, but we all wish she'd have spent the money on herself!
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Posted by K.W.
from Riverton, Utah
So some of us carefully shepherd our resources, and save for retirement years. Dave Ramsey's interesting comment is a little helpful, but still, his views suggesting that the couple who expressed concern, could --when they use some funds for personal pleasures, --share some kind of corresponding amounts with others, sort of misses the mark.
The struggle faced by people who have been careful with their funds is more like a "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished" problem, than it is a "sharing" of wealth problem. The same could be similarly said about having made a more wise choice of a vehicle, or choosing a house in an area where flooding doesn't occur, or deciding to study for a certain type of career, rather than just get a degree in the Arts, hoping you can find work that will provide a useful income. Sometimes, it is even like the story of the "Grasshopper & the Ant".
Still, it is hard to "have" when others "have not", especially when you "go without" for a time so that you can "have" in later years that you will "not be able to obtain". Even when you "share" what you have, it doesn't erase the embarrassment of having, because there are so many more that have not. Besides, since the begger hates the almsgiver, there is little satisfaction in giving to individuals -- hence you can give to "charities" who can help many individuals, but that is also less desirable because so many people "live-off" those kinds of efforts of others.
I don't think Dave R. gets close enough to a solution here. Can someone else give us a deeper idea on working out this problem?? -K.W.
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Posted by Connie
from Centerville, Utah
Like Connie in the article, my husband and I, Connie slso, have worked hard to save some money and we are elderly now. We have helped our children by buying them things that we know they need, but can't afford. When we buy something for ourselves, we usually buy something for them also. We have helped with music lessons, "prom" dresses, appliances, and money for them to use at their own discretion, for bills etc., they don't have to tell us how they spend it, we just know it is needed and will be used wisely. They have large families and some have teen agers with needs. We enjoy being able to help all our children from time to time. We are not wealthy but we are frugal and have been raised that way. We have also paid for most of our funeral needs already so as not to be a burden. I do have to admit that money was tight when raising our family but we did enjoy trips to Disneyland and boating close to home as a family. Now, I like to buy some things that I see on sale that we could never afford before. I like to "splurge" once in awhile. I feel we've earned it. We have always paid our tithing and fast offerings and other things that were needed, such as building funds, welfare needs, etc. and we sent 3 sons on missions. We worked in the Bountiful Temple for two years, when my health permitted. We have truly been blessed and are so thankful for all we have.
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