Protecting Your Children from Online Pornography
by Dr. Kevin B. Skinner

It has been said that it is better to place a fence at the top of a cliff rather than an ambulance at the bottom. In an effort to protect your children from Internet pornography and other potentially dangerous sites, consider these steps.

As a marriage and family therapist, pornography is the most common problem for which clients come seeking my help. For many of these individuals, their obsession with pornography started at a young age, even as young as eleven years old. Parents, for the most part, have little to no idea of how prevalent pornography is among children and teenagers. WiseChoice.net found that twelve- to seventeen-year-olds are the single largest consumers of online Internet pornography.  

Dr. Judith Reisman, an expert on the mind and sexual stimuli, asserts that pornographic images alter the child’s brain and produce powerful emotional experiences that cannot be understood by the developing mind. This type of exposure can hinder the child’s brain development and reduce the mind’s ability to develop in other important areas. In essence, it can become fixated on seeking sexual stimuli (searching for emotional experiences) rather than enjoying typical age-appropriate behaviors.  

Parents who understand this would be wise to protect their child from exposure to these mind-altering images.

Establish guidelines. Before you allow your children to use the computer, discuss with them the rules and privileges of using your home computer. Put your family computer in a “public” location like the kitchen—or at least make the rule that the home office door must be open when using the computer (and consider placing the monitor so that it can be easily seen. Let your kids know that there are dangerous sites out there.

Give them examples of things that they should not share over the Internet such as their full name, address, phone number, school, or age. Teach them about the importance of staying away from chat rooms or randomly giving out their email address. Teach your children about spam and pop-up windows. Let them know the importance of not opening up any email that is from someone they do not know. You may invest in a program that prevents pop-up windows.

Get a filter. Let your children know that some webmasters intentionally alter the names of their sites in an effort to get people to visit their site. As a result, it is helpful to let your child know you are going to load a filter on your computer. As a parent, you need to understand that while filters do help, children who really understand the Internet can navigate their way around filters. If you know your child is particularly computer savvy you may ask him or her to educate you on how someone can get around filters.

Parents should also be aware that pornographers are targeting cell phones because there is currently no filter available for phones. If a cell phone has Internet access, pornography can be accessed.

Try Covenant Eyes. Covenant Eyes (available at covenanteyes.com) is a program that tracks every website visited and sends an “accountability partner,” a weekly update on sites visited during the week. This system is not a filter, but it does track and score all websites visited. If it is disabled, you will receive an email from the company. It is a good idea to let your child know that this system is on your computer. In many instances, installing this type of system lets your child know that you are serious about keeping your computer porn free.

Be wary of peer to peer networks. I strongly recommend that parents learn about peer-to-peer (P2P) networks such as Kazaa or Bearshare. These networks are often used for downloading music, games, and pornography. In some instances, Internet filters will not pick up peer-to-peer network downloads. My recommendation is that parents not allow peer-to-peer networks on their computer.

Utah Senator Orrin Hatch offered the following warning to parents: “Peer-to-peer networks, or P2P, that youths use to share files via the Internet—including music—may also bring unexpected child pornography.” He said it presents “great risk of inadvertent exposure to these materials by young P2P users” because sometimes files labeled as containing something innocuous actually carry pornography or contain embedded commands that will later unexpectedly link computers to pornography sites. In addition, predators often use these sites to find new victims, disguising themselves as another peer.

Role play. One way to educate your child about pornography is to role-play appropriate responses when they encounter any type of pornography. I recognize that it is not always easy for children and parents to talk about pornography, but it is appropriate to let your child know that if they encounter pornography, they can come to you and discuss it. This normalizes the fact that they may see it and it gives them the chance to talk with you about it.  

If you follow these five steps and are open with your child, you will find that your children will respect your desire to protect them from pornography. With the right kind of preparation and care, you can save your children from this most saddening of obsessions and equip them with patterns that can safeguard them into adult life.

LDS Living Magazine